"I Like Watching You Out There....It's Comforting"

The title is from a song called "Good Love Never Dies" by Liz Phair, with whom I'm quite certain that I have a semi-healthy fascination...after all, she is from Chicago. It's a great song, too if you have never heard it; you should listen to it.

I was going to talk this evening, since I have nothing better to do (after being on call yesterday until early this morning and then going on call at 7am tomorrow morning) about the origin of my blog name....littlerogue77.

I'm sure that the '77 part is not hard to get....it's the year that I was born. Just a little over 30 years ago....sigh. Oh well, I guess I'm more or less grown by now, but I don't have to face it.

Little rogue came from a short story that I read in college entitled "Miss Brill" by Katherine Mansfield. Here is a quote from the story:

"Although it was so brilliantly fine - the blue sky powdered with gold and great spots of light like white wine splashed over the Jardins Publiques - Miss Brill was glad that she had decided on her fur. The air was motionless, but when you opened your mouth there was just a faint chill, like a chill from a glass of iced water before you sip, and now and again a leaf came drifting - from nowhere, from the sky. Miss Brill put up her hand and touched her fur. Dear little thing! It was nice to feel it again. She had taken it out of its box that afternoon, shaken out the moth-powder, given it a good brush, and rubbed the life back into the dim little eyes. "What has been happening to me?" said the sad little eyes. Oh, how sweet it was to see them snap at her again from the red eiderdown! ... But the nose, which was of some black composition, wasn't at all firm. It must have had a knock, somehow. Never mind - a little dab of black sealing-wax when the time came - when it was absolutely necessary ... Little rogue! Yes, she really felt like that about it. Little rogue biting its tail just by her left ear. She could have taken it off and laid it on her lap and stroked it."

I think that there is something that everyone has that makes them feel comfortable. Something from when they were younger, perhaps. I still have my blanket from when I was a baby that's as old as I am...I still cover with it when I just want to cover with something light and not too hot. I have plenty of nostalgic things here and there that make me feel more comfortable.

Well, in the mid-to-late 1990's, when I was in college, I had taken quite a liking to Absolut Citron, which had just made it's appearance at about that time. I used to call it my "little rogue". I would stand with the bottle and hold it like a baby. Then I would stroke the bottle. It almost became sort of ritualistic before I would get really drunk. Something crazy usually ensued. I'm sure that someone somewhere has a picture of me from 10 years ago stroking the "little rogue".

Sometimes I would also make my cat (who lived with my parents) act as my "little rogue"--she would act as my fur stole. I'm not sure whether or not she liked this--she was an odd cat, so I would not be a bit surprised if she did. I would place her around my neck and walk around with her. She didn't seem to mind. She was a pretty white cat with mid-length fur. She died earlier this summer at the age of 13....she was a good cat.

I recall that I had to write a paper on "Miss Brill" when I was a freshman in college. Lord knows that paper is probably somewhere around. I was kind of mean to Miss Brill and her meddling nature. I would probably be more sympathetic now. I have grown softer in my old age. I kind of feel sorry for her. She seemed kind of lonely; I don't think that anyone deserves to be lonely all the time. It really sucks for those of you who have not felt like this. But this was back when I was more or less a kid in 1995, and I was just not as sympathetic to people.

I guess the point of this story is that everyone has something that makes him or her feel comfortable. Food, pictures, friends, movies.....I mean it could be anything. I think that's ok, though. I don't feel completely comfortable all the time.

I was kind of like Miss Brill when I was younger. I never really fit in. I never really had much of a life. But, as I got older, and I had more of a life, I realized maybe it's better that I never fit in. Maybe it's better because I understand what it's like to kind of be on the outside looking in. This is especially true in kids today that are I guess in high school (teenagers). When you are young, you want to fit in with the norm. When you are a little older, I think most people want to set themselves apart in some fashion. I am who I want to be now. I feel complete as far as my personality. I don't feel my life is complete yet, but then again I'm only 30. I have a few good years left, I think.

So, that's where the name comes from, in case anyone was wondering. For those of you who want to read the story (Gigi), it's really short. Here is the link:

http://www.eastoftheweb.com/short-stories/UBooks/MissBril.shtml

"...Tell me what can I say to keep you in my life
All the words slip away when I look in your eyes
Because I can never relax
I've got to keep it exciting
Make it attractive
Keep it alive
Keep you coming back
I'm already fighting to keep what I have
When the fire is out and I've given up
You come running out, and you build it up..."

"Good Love Never Dies"
Liz Phair

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVdEryfmlUM