I suppose that I should be sleeping more rather than writing blogs at night since I have been chronically tired this month; however, I feel that the origins of my apathy and arguably less than ideal mood are multi-factorial.
I think that I will dedicate this blog to my friend Gigi, who, aside from being a loyal and honest friend since I have known her, would not mind in the least if I wrote about her in my blog. She's about as weird (hell maybe more so) as I am, for those of you who are not fortunate enough to know her.
I have had this discussion with Gigi in the past about the whole being a square peg in a round hole analogy to life as we were growing up. It's a good simplification of most of us; however, I feel that it lacks a certain dimension (I was reading an article about physics tonight for a conference tomorrow--yeah, extraordinarily fun). My favorite class in college was advanced organic chemistry (whole other blog about that one), but I did enjoy calculus as well. I'm sure most of you will utter a nice, exasperated DMV type sigh at this point--there he goes (again).
So, the square peg in the round hole thing....or hell, the pentagonal peg in the rhomboid hole...doesn't really matter. It represents a slice; a point in time. Usually an awkward, uncomfortable point in time. Thin slices represent snapshots; they are flat, and occur in one plane. If you put these slices together over time (stack them on top of one another, then you add another dimension--I guess sort of like volume). I guess that the y-axis would be situation (I'll call this unit the Gigi, which is a highly dynamic unit--like the electron cloud that "spins" around the nucleus of an atom. The x-axis would of course be time. Add the slices over time and you end up with some kind of tunnel-like structure. Maybe some parts of it are star-shaped, some parts are just really wide (I guess I'd have to add a perpendicular plane to explain that, but I won't get into it), and then maybe some parts would be constricted, like a small pipe that you have to struggle to get through.
This brings me to my current point. I like where I am living now, but I don't really have a support network yet. When I was in Dallas, and, perhaps I didn't have enough power or pressure or whatever to get through the stenotic part of the tunnel, I could at least count on Gigi, Amy, or Wendy to help me (or hell sometimes push me) through. I guess everyone goes through these phases, or situations, if you will. (Gigi, I'm going to call you right after I write this to ask if it's just too crazy to blog about).
I kind of feel lost right now. Things are not coming together as much as I hoped. At the same time, I have met some really nice people here, and I'm sure that it will get better. I'm just at the slice in time where maybe the pipe is narrow and I'm having a little trouble getting through. I feel really stressed out lately. Can't exactly pinpoint the source, as it is multi factorial. I miss my friends. I miss going to movies and going to eat with them. I miss going to watch TV at their houses. I miss having discussions about the sheer absurdity of most people.
So I want to take a moment to thank all of you, in no particular order, of course: Gigi, Amy, Wendy (aka Wendy F-U), Mom (Liz), Dad (Doug), Jesse, Ashley, Miguel, Casey, Jenna, Jennifer Giles, Daphney, Carl Passintino, Erica Hughes, Jeannie Pham, Susan, Tommy and Lauren, Suzanne Dellaria, Devi Saha, Heike Knorpp, Ben Chang, Laura DeMoya, Brian Thompson, Brad, Lennie, Denise, (Sam, Sugar, Delilah, Granny, Shawn, and the Rev. Alvin L Shaw, RIP), Hal Jackson, Brandie Fruge, Lilah Mansour, Lindsay Legnon, Caroline Ferris, Darryl Nash, Marnie Jackson, Gail McLauchlan, Joshua Smith, Lee Garrison, Mark Yee, Natasha, Monica Taylor, Tim Chia, Autumn Stoos, Rodrigo, Joel Davis, John Hutchinson, Kevin Tate.
Inevitably, I know I have forgotten some people along the way. I apologize. Thank you to the people whom I have mentioned for pushing me when I need pushing. Thank you for helping me through this life--at one time or another. Much love to you. I'm sure that my debt to you can never be re-paid, except for knowing that I am as much your friend as you are mine.
Last but not least, thank you to all the people here in Atlanta who have been so nice to me. I do appreciate it.
Oh well, I think I have opened myself up a little more than I should have for the night. Ha ha ha. Oh well, what have you got if you haven't got honesty and/or trust.
Im trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing youve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all...
"Closer to Fine"
The Indigo Girls (Hell I'm in Atlanta, and it's fitting)
2 comments:
Hey Ian. Nice blog :) That calculus stuff that you were talking about was right at the point in Dr. Rocques' class where I was getting confused. I'm looking forward to seeing your picture in the rooster beer hat! Oh, and I'm sure you'll meet new friends in Atlanta, I'm actually having the same problem here. Most of my friends have moved away, so I've got to make new friends too...
I'll start with this: I like the idea of highly dynamic Gigi units, thanks!
Spent some time reading through your blog again. I've got a vivid picture in my head of the structure of life as you described it, and you're right. Those tight spots are a bitch.
While there are some spots where all you can do is squeeze through with some pushing from your friends (and you do the same for me, you'd better believe it), I think that sometimes you force that tunnel into a new configuration and widen it, kind of like the Hulk when you piss him off. Hmm. Not really sure where I'm going with this... ah, there it is. I think that opening yourself up can be a force that widens the tunnel, but it's almost as hard (or harder) than just struggling through sometimes.
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